Sober in the District: The Diary of a Buzzkill

Once a supervisor gave me a gift card to some wine and spirits store that was close to our office. I did not know what to do with it, and when I attempted to give it to a homeless guy, he thought I was asking for directions and pointed me to the store. It was meant to be so, because I walked in and saw they had some cheeses and I changed my mind. I was not going to use the gift card on their overpriced sodas and salty nuts. And then I started doing stand-up comedy in the D.C.'s clubs and open mic nights. They say the drunker the audience gets, the funnier you are. I thought President Bush had sworn off the spirits, but he was still the funniest-sounding guy in D.C. Plus, my "a Muslim walks into a bar" bit seemed to work so well. After the show they would give me a coupon for a free beer, and since none of my friends drink I would ask them to donate my beer to AA.

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